Do's and Don'ts

Part 1 : THE "DO'S"

When in Rome, do as the Romans. When in France, do as the French. With a few simple "do's" and "don'ts," you will have a more rewarding and less expensive dining experience in Paris than you might have expected. Many of these tips I learned on my own through trial and error, so I hope that providing them here will speed up the process for you! One thing I find to make a big difference in service, even when in a simple café or brasserie, is to never take a table without asking permission from the wait staff. This shows a level of respect for the establishment, and will immediatly set up your treatment with favor. The following do’s and don’ts are more specific and will help guide you through the maze of dining “politesse” -- and if followed, you are more sure to have success and a pleasant dining experience wherever you go.

RESERVATIONS
Make reservations whenever you can. Many of these restaurants are small, independent businesses owned by individuals. They likely take Sunday off, close the entire month of August or certainly fill up quickly, so call in advance to ensure the restaurant is open and can seat you. Cancel your reservations if you have a change in plans, as a courtesy to these small independently owned restaurants.

SMOKING
If smoke bothers you, then while you're making reservations, ask for "non-fumeur" (non-smoking). Many restaurants now have special non-smoking sections or will seat you at their best non-smoking table if you ask for it in advance. Also, if you dine at an earlier hour, about 8 p.m., you'll find the restaurants less smoky than later hours (likely due to the young who tend to dine later and smoke more!).

DINNER DINING TIMING
Parisians dine after 8 p.m., and most reservations are made for 9 p.m. If you do dine earlier, expect to be the first to arrive or to be dining with mostly Americans. Most restaurants will not be ready to serve until 8 p.m. or 8:30 p.m.!

DRESS
Dress appropriately. We are not suggesting that you don your finest suit and tie or Sunday best, but dressing well is part of the French culture, so use your good judgment. I think you'll find that if you're dressed to fit in comfortably with the Parisians, that overall you'll be treated with much more respect. Parisians rarely will be seen wearing shorts even in very hot weather. This goes for athletic shoes, too, which are reserved for the gym or the teens. True, you will see a more casual Paris these days than even just a few years ago, but if you don't look like a tourist, you won't be treated like one, and that can take you a long way.

BEING SEATED
Wait to be seated when entering a restaurant or bistrot. Someone will normally greet you and take your name if you have reserved or ask you "combien de personnes?" before seating you. In a brasserie, it is more customary to find a seat yourself, unless it is particularly crowded and you need assistance. That being said, as noted above, if you take the time to ask, you’ll likely be treated better.

"FLIRTING" WITH THE WAITPERSON AND "POLITESSE"
Be polite and by all means, "flirt" with the waitperson. It has taken me years as an American who was taught to "get to the point" that doing just that gets you nowhere in France and even less from the service in any eating establishment. The general consensus among Americans (as I am told) is that the waiters in France are "surly," when the truth is we just haven't learned the art of seduction. The French are taught to be "seduisant" (seductive or attractive) and to "flirt" in a non-sexual, but friendly way. If you learn this simple method, I can guarantee you great service every single time. Man or woman, waiter or waitress, establishing a rapport with the server first will insure you success. Say "bonjour." Make eye contact. Smile. Take a deep breath. Apologize for bothering the waiter ("Excusez-moi de vous déranger ... ") or for your lack of French ("Excusez-moi, mais je ne parle pas beaucoup de français ... ") or if you have a question about the menu (S'il vous plaît, j'ai une petite question sur la carte ... ") and smile and be polite and always, always say "s'il vous plaît" and "merci beaucoup." One final note -- please, never shout "garçon!"

"FORMULE" AND FIXED PRICE MENUS
Order the "menu," "formule" or "plat du jour" for the best value. A "menu" refers to a two, three or four-course meal offered at one special price in which you choose from a list of items within each course category. For example: a "menu" of €20 could consist of one "entrée" (first course), one "plat" (main course) and one "dessert" (dessert). You may be given three or more choices within each category. Often a menu will also give you a choice of "fromage" (cheese) and/or dessert, or offer a choice from any two categories, such as "entrée et plat" or "plat et dessert." During lunch, you may see a restaurant offer a "formule." This is normally more limited in choice, but a very good value. When ordering "à la carte," you can often order any assortment of dishes, charged for individually. Quite often, "un plat garni" (one main course garnished with a side dish) from the à la carte menu, is usually a larger portion than if you had ordered it as part of a "menu." Special note: what we call "the menu" in English is "la carte" in French; what we call "an entree" in English is "un plat" in French and "un entrée" in French is an appetizer or first course in English. Confusing, but true.

WINE
When choosing a wine, consider "le vin de maison" (the house wine). Usually, you can count on it to be acceptable and very reasonably priced. "Un quart" (pronounced "uhn kar") is a quantity of 25 centiliters, enough for two glasses and can often be about the same price as one single glass. "Un pichet" or pitcher, very often of the house wine, is usually either 25 or 50 centiliters ("un demi").

THE CHECK
After the meal, ask for "l'addition, s'il vous plaît" (the bill). It won't just arrive automatically, as the custom is to allow you ample time to relax after your meal, so be prepared to ask for it before you're ready to leave. Often, you can catch the eye of the waiter and motion a "scribbling" in the air to indicate that you would like the check. Politely, though, please! Errors in addition do happen unintentionally, so be sure to check the bill thoroughly.

CREDIT CARDS
If you prefer paying by credit card, find out in advance if the restaurant accepts credit cards or not, so that you are prepared with enough cash if necessary. Most restaurants will accept VISA, but MasterCard and American Express are not as widely used at these restaurants or credit cards may not be accepted at all.

TAX AND TIP
Restaurants are required by law to include tax and service in their prices. Normally 12 to 15 percent is included, but there is no real guarantee the server will actually receive the entire amount. If you were satisfied with the meal and the service, then it is customary to leave a few extra Euros as a tip – five to 10 percent of the bill. You cannot add a tip to your credit card receipt, as you can in the United States, so be prepared with a little cash. Special note: please report to us any restaurant in Paris which tries to convince you their prices DO NOT include the tip!

COMMENTS
Please write us by email, fax or "snail mail" as indicated below. We are very interested in your comments about the meals and service you experienced at any of these restaurants and any restaurant suggestions you might offer us.

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Do's and Don'ts

Part 2 : THE "DONT'S"

RUSHING THE MEAL
Don't rush the meal. Allow enough time to dine in French time -- two hours on the average. Service is generally at a relaxed pace and each course will be served separately in this order: "apéritif" (any pre-dinner drink, traditionally a "Kir" (Crème de Cassis with white Burgundy wine - Mister Kir, former mayor of Dijon gave his name to this drink), water and wine, appetizer, main course, cheese, dessert, coffee. You may order the wine, appetizer and main course at first, then after having eaten those courses you may order cheese and/or dessert. When those have been eaten, then you may request coffee. Coffee is not served with dessert unless you request it. A traditional French coffee is an espresso (see below for a more detailed explanation), unlike an American-style coffee which is drunk to "wash down" dessert.

SPEAKING LOUDLY
Don't speak too loudly. It's considered impolite to infringe on someone else's privacy, so the French have learned from an early age how to "modulate" their voices so they cannot be overheard. If your conversation can be fully understood even at the next table, then it would be too intrusive, so try to tone it down.

USING YOUR UTENSILS AND DON’T CUT THE LETTUCE
The French use a different method of wielding a fork and knife. With the fork in your left hand and the knife in your right, stab the food with the fork and cut the food with the knife. Bring the morsel to your mouth with the fork still in your left hand, but turned downward. Rice and potatoes must be pushed up onto the back of the fork! Yes, it is awkward! But, so is shifting the utensils from one hand to the other as we were taught to do! With practice, you’ll get it. Also, one small difference in our cultures -- cutting your lettuce is simply not done. I learned this the very first time I dined in a French friend’s home. So learn to fold the lettuce onto your fork until it’s small enough a package to put into your mouth!

DOGGY BAGGING IT
Don't ask for a "doggy bag." Portions are for normal appetites and it is customary to eat most everything on your plate. Occasionally you'll encounter very large portions when you will have the urge to ask for a "doggy bag." Resist! Restaurants are not prepared with disposable cartons for your leftovers and the French consider it extremely bad manners.

SEPARATE CHECKS
Don't ask for separate checks, especially if you're asking for more than two. You can easily ask for a particular amount to be charged on each person's credit card, or each contribute a variety of different payments (checks, cash and credit card) which all together total the amount of the bill. If everyone is ordering similar meals, then it's best etiquette to simply divide the bill by the number of people in the party, some will pay slightly more and some, slightly less. If the amounts owed by each are too unbalanced, then do the math yourself and do not impose on the restaurant personnel who are servers, not mathematicians.

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